Have you ever read a devotional book that hits you right between the eyes? I mean, the author is speaking right to you and knows exactly what all of your strengths and weaknesses are? Today's devotional with the kids was like that. We have often talked about idols and what that means in today's context. I mean, I don't have a Buddha or some statue of a saint in my house that I pray to or give offerings to, but we all have idols in our lives. Idols are those things that we spend more time focusing on and relying on for our sanity, our safety, our security, etc. than God. For some it's money, for others it is power or fame. For me, well, for me it is self-reliance. I like to have things in control and know that I can do just about anything myself. I don't want to be a burden on anyone, so I will handle anything that comes up and you don't have to worry about anything. I got it under control.
Today, that feeling of having it all under control was being challenged and I wasn't liking it. You see, we had a group of people in town visit our church and I arranged housing for them and let host families know what their responsibilities were. However, the day before our guest arrived changes started being made. Mind you I had planned out the all the meals, done all the shopping and had everything under control. Now I had to make adjustments. The little voice in my head said, "Be flexible," so I smiled and let go of some of my control. The thing is when working with groups of people, you can never be fully in control. Everyone has their own agendas and their own plans.
These past few days, my challenge to be flexible, and not be in control became a daily ordeal. This morning was the most challenging when I realized that I needed to be at the church at 8 am but the young men staying next door didn't need to be at the church til 10 am. Since I am the one feeding them, I had to wait on them. I asked for them to call me with a time they would like breakfast, but unfortunately, instead of calling me like I asked they tried texting me. (I gave them my home number, not my cell number. I never got the text.) Therefore, I didn't sleep all night because I didn't know when I could feed them. By 9 in the morning I went over to the house next door to see if they were even up. We finally agreed to have breakfast ready by 9:30 and by 9:45 they had all shown up to eat. Let's just say, I was trying hard to keep a smile on my face and be cordial, while all along I was struggling with my agenda versus theirs and wondering if I was justified in my feelings. All of this is to say, I have to remember to let things go and not worry about having it all under control. I know I am a people-pleaser and want them to look at me and think, "Wow, she has it under control. I don't need to worry about a thing," But really, who cares what others think. The crux of the matter is who am I doing all of this for? Is it for me and my ego? OR is it for the Lord? I want it to be for God and need to tell my Self to get out of here and chill out.
Ok...just had to vent. Thanks!